I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
