She just used a chaser for red wine.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize