finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dick very happy bro
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
