sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
