Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
