cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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