Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
