Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
