I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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