I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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