capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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