allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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