Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
last night I used snow as a chaser
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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