I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
