She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
