definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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