Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If that was your dad, he is hot
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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