So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
