he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
