I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
