a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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