I bet he comes in French.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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