omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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