Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
