the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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