Betty ford says i'm here all night
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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