first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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