My boss' voice literally gives me gas
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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