HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
