This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
