He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
sarcasm needs its own font
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
