Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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