I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
