Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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