I want to walk on stilts...naked
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
