here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
