It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
