Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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