puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
