Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
