this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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