She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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