I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
