the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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