sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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