areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
