I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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