i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
