we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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