My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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