There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize