Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
