just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
