So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
