It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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