he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize