when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
