i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
