mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
