So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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