Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
