STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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