I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Say something about gay babies.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
