fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
