dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
