Nicole vs. Life
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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