things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've created a new STD.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize