Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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